Wavering Faith

Yesterday has come and gone. WOW! a fleeting moment in time. Was it worth the amount of worry (sin), or anxiety of 'HOW will it all turn out'? More sin. Did God already tell me not to fight (which I did). wasn't i given the Word "STAND" from many sources? Yes i WAS! God Is Ever So Faithful!! i just have to tell of my lack of faith and wavering believe, as i have been preaching the word Stand and the meaning of Standing or Stood.... OH MY!!
i wake up @ 2AM Leave on time @ 3:30AM eating sunflower seeds the whole way to stay awake (i fall asleep driving especially if dark) arrive @ 7:45 court @ 9; go up to court room @ 8;45 the other party wasn't there? HUM Whats up? NO JUDGE WHAT???!!!!
You have got to be kidding!!! all of this and no judge. Continue in Nov what????
my job....i can't take anymore time where is spouse? why won't he answer phone it's now 9:30 fighting back tears for 30 minutes and spouse calls in parking lot be there. building anger (sin) i did all that above and you just mosey in?? only thoughts didn't speak. still sin (anger)
then i find out he had filed more junk against me ......more anger. can't talk nicely at all now. GOOD THING JUDGE WASN'T THERE!! spouse even said if you do this in front of judge you lose. Lies, deceit etc....Righteous Anger :) still not handled in a godly way though :(

anyway after 6 hours together (5 with tears) we are able to come to agreement of ripping the family apart; youngest with dad; middle with mom' and NO SPOUSAL SUPPORT TO HIM PTL' No child support out of pocket either; split responsibility in half with family :( I am glad it is over. huge burden off back; now i can feel in control again. so sorry but i had to say it. isn't that the carnal way of us humans to want to be in control of it all. how many times did i say and pray 'it's yours LORD'. 'Your Will' 'I want what i get'. but took it back with each fit of rage each tear that poured. there was no faith :(
In the end i can say PTL THANK YOU FATHER. but during i was really muddy :(

just goes to show HIS TIMING IS PERFECT! HIS WILL IS PERFECT! HE IS ENOUGH!

HE IS EVER SO MORE FAITHFUL TO ME THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN TO HIM!! THANK YOU JESUS FOR THE CROSS! THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME AS YOUR BRIDE!! THANK YOU FOR NEVER FORSAKING ME JUST AS YOU PROMISE !!

What i haven't said yet is that on the way to Vegas the thought came to me that the judge would not be there today. i didn't accept it though because i couldn't imagine having to come back again. the time and $ wasted. FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR MY LACK OF TRUST AND FAITH, FOR NOT LISTENING TO YOUR SPIRIT PREPARE ME. FORGIVE ME FOR BLOWING UP AND FREAKING OUT AND NOT STANDING I PRAY THAT I KEEP PRESSING ON IN YOUR FAITH AND NOT MINE FOR I AM FAR TOO WEAK TO EVEN CALL MYSELF A "CHRISTIAN" MY WAYS ARE NOT YOURS YET I WANT THEM TO BE which leads me to the word. I heard this on my way home today and thought this is the word of the day. the bottom line first RUN if you are in a place that is not good, godly RUN don't stay there RUN

Pro 5:1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight,
2 that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.
3 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil;
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. [fn]
6 She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. 7 Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say.
8 Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house,
9 lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel,
10 lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man's house.
11 At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent.
12 You will say, "How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.
14 I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly."
15 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
21 For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths.
22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast.
23 He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.

FUnnY if you know me you may understand why i said funny. if you don't no worry

the lesson didn't include the whole chapter and the lesson wasn't so much on adultery but on disobedience. Run lest you lose your life because of SIN. any Sin!! Don't stay in it repent, rebuke your brother so that he may live.


i really enjoyed work today. i said many times PTL for my job I love my job. there is no way i could do anything other than this job!!!!